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Along The Vast

Ocean. Space. Mind.

Night #10

Sometimes I think of hurting myself because at least then I know the cause of my pain

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Small things

Sometimes you just want to do something just to overcome the sadness that’s been eating you. It’s not something necessarily big, it’s something even just small. Small things like fixing up your bed, playing your favorite video game, or going out of your house. You thought if you do these small things, you will eventually forget the sadness you have. You didn’t.

So what should you do? Do you continue doing something small or do something big?

You thought that if you just do something even so small, you’d be happy. But no, sadness is just around waiting for your return.

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Haiku #2

Faint sounds, loud voices
When will I stop hearing you?
Get out of my mind

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Sometimes, you just want to be gone. But more often than not, you just want to get better. You just want to be better.

I just want to get better.

The Colorless Abyss

I was awakened by the strong winds entering my room through the windows at the right side of my bed. The windows were open. I always leave them like that every night. I peeked through it and saw that it’s already dawn. Every thing was gray outside: the skies, the land, and apparently, the ocean.

To my surprise, there was a new surrounding outside my room. There were roaring waves approaching my windows. I got up, and when I stared at the sea, I was suddenly transported to the shore. A jolt of panic entered my body, but it was gone just after I felt it. The water calmed me.

Behind me was my room, and it was the only thing with color in that place. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared. Should I run and go back to my bed? On the other hand, the wet sand and the seawater gave me a feeling of assurance. Like I’ll be safer here, away from the thoughts that are living in my room.

Then I just let myself go. I could feel the waves, the breeze, the sea. “Thank you,” I said to the ocean. “Why are you doing this to me?”

The waves, with all its roars and noises, formed a beautiful voice that answered me. “Because you needed an escape. Because instead of drowning to your thoughts, you just have to feel the waves sometimes. Because why not? You are the ocean itself.”

Suddenly all the colors came back, and my room turned gray.

Now I can see why.

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Every Downpour Causes A Flood

It was already midnight, but I’m still not home. The road I took was dark and cold despite of the street lights being brighter than the night sky. It must be the clouds. It must be the heavy downpour I was expecting every night.

So I looked up, while walking, not afraid of the rain. How could I? It was the only thing hiding my tears to myself. But not to the clouds. They know your feelings, even the ones you choose to forget.

The clouds looked down to me. As they spoke, a sprinkle of rain came pouring down. “Don’t let the drizzle fool you. It’s just the beginning.”

“Beginning? So what’s the end?”, I replied, the rain touching my dry lips and my tired eyes.

“The heavy rain doesn’t pour yet. And when it does, you’ll be thankful of the flood”, said the clouds as the rain gradually increases.

‘Heavy rain?’, I thought to myself. “When will it come?”, I shouted to the clouds, worrying. I was still far from home, and I didn’t know if I really wanted to enjoy the rain in the deepest of night.

They didn’t respond. I was left on the road, wondering. The rain was starting to get heavy, so I hurried my way home.

But it was too late. The heavy rain poured down, and I was left soaking wet. The flood came, and its stream sent me to a perpetual slumber, a morningless one.

Then I was home.

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Night#10

The city never sleeps
but the city gets tired

So how could the city rest?

Not Today

I’m lost
Will I ever
be found?

In these woods
not full of tall trees
but of sorrowful branches.
In this town full of
eyes instead of hands.

Tell me,
will I ever
be saved?

The home I was
trying to get to,
wasn’t a home after all.
Just a crumbling group of
sorrowful branches,
put all together.

The wind is howling.
The eyes are searching me.

Will this ever go away?
Will I ever go away?

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Haiku No. 1

The raindrops create a beat
to which I dance to
A music of grief and bliss

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